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Last night I went to the men’s group with Jack, and as I suspected, I was the only Latino there. It wasn’t a good experience. I told them Jorge’s story, and many of the men told me that I should call the police. I told them that would not be possible because calling the police meant putting Jorge’s immigration status at risk. They told me that deporting Jorge would be a good solution as he could not continue mistreating his wife. They don’t understand that this is the last thing my sister-in-law Blanca would want, or how it would destroy the family. Because of their reaction, I realized that Anglos often don’t realize that we live different realities, even if they have good intentions. One of the men even said that we would not resolve the issue of domestic violence as long as more Latinos kept coming to the United States, implying that all Latin@s are sexist and violent. This made me feel very bad, and I was surprised that Jack didn’t say anything. I will never return to that group, but I still have to find help for Jorge, Blanca and their children.
Questions for Reflection:
Just a week after attending the group, I was watching TV and saw a commercial in which several Latino men were discussing domestic violence in Spanish. I couldn’t believe it! At the end of the commercial, there was a telephone number to call and learn more information.
The next day, I called the number, and an organization for victims of domestic abuse answered. When I mentioned the commercial, they told me that a group of Latino men gathered weekly to organize against violence. They gave me the information, and I promptly attended the group the following Saturday.
What a difference from Jack’s group! To begin with, they had Latino food for everyone. At the beginning, we ate together and talked about everything except violence. Everyone welcomed me very warmly. Once we finished eating, they asked what brought me to the group, and I began to tell them Jorge’s story. They immediately understood my dilemma, and no one suggested I call the police. Two of the men told me that they also had family members in the same situation, while yet another shared with me that he used to abuse his own partner a few years prior.
They told me it’s very important that I talk with Jorge, although it wasn’t going to be easy. They advised me to invite him to dinner in a public place, and, if possible, bring another family member as support. They said I should begin by expressing my love and concern for his well-being and for his family. One of the men told me that what worked in his brother’s case was sharing information about the damage caused to children who witness violence. He even gave me a brochure in Spanish and English on the subject and a list of resources for Blanca and the children. At the end of the meeting, all the men offered to talk directly to Jorge and suggested I invite him to participate in the group. I left feeling hopeful and, above all, supported.
Questions for Reflection: